It is perfectly normal for suicide to enter the thought process when faced with a chronic illness like this, which affects you 24-7.
When I was a philosophy major, I was very interested in the concept of suicide, and I read what a lot a great thinkers had to say about it. Some of this might be relevant to you, maybe not.
Schopenhauer pointed out that suicide can never achieve its purpose. The goal is to remove the pain and leave a YOU without pain. But suicide eliminates the YOU and therefore cannot produce a YOU without the pain. It is a false idea. He did not think that suicide was morally wrong, just that people who commit suicide make a cognitive error.
Camus makes the claim in his book The Myth of Sisyphus that live gets its meaning by struggling against pointless and meaningless obstacles, and it is in these encounters that you can shape yourself. Thus he says that we have to imagine Sisyphus happy despite being condemned to roll a stone up a hill forever. That is precisely what life is, just moving things around on the earth, and you have to create meaning out of that.
I could go on, but my point is that you should not feel bad for these thoughts, but you should realize that there is no way out of this problem, there is only a way through. It is like a tunnel that you have to go through, you cannot get any relief any other way.
My other advice is to watch a grade B movie.