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Suicide?


#1

I feel like I can’t take it anymore. Feeling like hell most of the time. No idea if I have mav on top of mdds or if something else is just wrong in my head either.
Am I the only one who feels that way? Perhaps others are stronger than I I just dont want to live with these symptoms all the time. :frowning:


#2

Mikael,

Saw your posts on the MdDS board. I saw you tried Xanax. Have you tried Clonazapam or Valium? Those might work better for you with less adverse effect.

Hang in there. It will improve.

Andy


#3

Mikael, I felt the same during my first year of this. It was mainly because I had no clue what was wrong with me and neither did it seem that any doctor did. I found the reality of being a medical mystery unbearable. I have to say I thought long and hard about ending it all but knew deep down that I couldn’t go through with it. Really feel for you and understand. I did read your earlier post and you said that taking 5HTP along with something else made this worse. I have taken 5HTP recently with no issues but I do know that for many people their “dizziness” started after taking some kind of medication/drug etc. It is so hard not to blame yourself but the fact is that nobody knows for sure whether these things did cause it all or if it would have happened anyway. Like you said, so many people take meds and even illegal drugs every day and they don’t end up with this so those of us with it must have a predisposition to it which we could never have known about or prevented. I am sure there must be more things for you to try meds-wise and doctor-wise. I know you said in your country the doctors don’t know about MAV etc but believe me even in the UK and the USA it seems that knowledgeable MAV specialists are few and far between. Many of us here have had to travel a long distance and spend a lot of money before we got anywhere close to finding a good doctor. Is there any way you could travel to another country to see one of the doctors mentioned here privately?

Please try to stay strong and hold on to hope. It is amazing how many of us have felt that we were hopeless cases but have gone on to have happy times. You will have more good days that are worth living for. A lifetime is a long time and lots can happen, things change all the time so don’t give up x


#4

Hi,

We’ve all been so down and desperate but everyone has improvements over time. Please hold onto what Jem said. A lifetime is so long, your symptoms will fluctuate and change and may even disappear. Also, treatments and drugs will be developed over the years that will treat these vestibular conditions much more effectively. Chin up and know we are always here to talk to and support you. xx


#5

I don’t think that others are stronger. we all have different levels of severity of symptoms. we are all so brave to be here trying to get better. I haven’t had plans of suicide ever, but feelings of not wanting to wake up. I’ve been suffering so horribly 24/7 for so many years. I just try to take it second by second. these symptoms are so cruel. I’m so sorry for your physical and emotional pain.


#6

Mikael,
Feel so bad for you . I had just the same feelings 6 years ago when all of this started for me. I thought I really couldn’t cope and would be better off out of it. Life can become unbearable and desperate and you can’t see an end to it or a way out. However I have a family and I just couldn’t do it to them and I’m so glad I didn’t. I’m not completely better ( perhaps 80. % ) but I now can do things I never thought possible and I have a life back again. Have you tried Topirimate ? It’s really helped me. Hang in there . Things will definately get better!!
Anne xx


#7

Mikael,

I am sorry that you are going through such a rough patch. I go through the same thing with the same kind of questions several times a year. I keep going because in my experience these rough patches do come and go - go being the operative word. I keep going because I have hope that the future (the next hour, the next week, the next year) will be better and sometimes I keep going just out of habit. It is important for you to find reasons that matter to you to keep going, to look beyond the despair you are feeling right now.

I am wishing you well,
Molly


#8

sent you an message


#9

mikael

which country r u based in?


#10

Chronic illness is very hard to live with. Everyone copes differently, but it isn’t easy for anyone. If you are feeling this down, and yes I have been there too, I would highly suggest seeking out help ASAP. For my situation, I ended up needing an antidepressant med, and I am so glad I agreed to it. That plus a few therapy sessions have made a HUGE difference in my ability to cope with this and my other chronic illness. I’m not saying my solution is the right thing for everyone, but please think about opening up with your doctor about how you feel. They may be able to find you the right kind of help for your situation.


#11

Hi Mikael,

I’m so sorry to read you are feeling so ill and in such despair. Pardon my French but migraine really is a c*nt of a disease :evil:

While I have never felt suicidal with this I have definitely felt so overwhelmingly sick at times and for long periods that I have wondered, from a practical perspective (let alone the misery), of how I could live with it as I could barely function. How could I work and pay my mortgage and bills let alone enjoy life…?

BUT, please remember that migraine is not fatal nor is it static. It can and does change, including complete remission of symptoms. Please hang in there and hold on to that. We are all here and we do understand. Read the success stories. They happen. Remember that most people don’t even write their success stories, they just get out there and enjoy life.

If you are on Xanax or other medications please also keep in mind ‘paradoxical reactions’. The meds may be making you feel worse, including your mood.

We are here for you.

Vic


#12

Mikael, I can’t really add to what everyone else has said, I agree with it all. I hope you’ve been able to take heart from people’s words of empathy and encouragement. We all truly do get where you’re coming from.

I can’t recall how long it is since you took 5HTP with that other med which you feel started the ball rolling but sometimes it takes time for an ‘upset’ like that to resolve. It happened to me when I took St John’s Wort. Was fine on 5HTP but St John’s Wort knocked me for six and it took ages to get over the experience. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you were only trying to feel better. And even now, you’re doing the right thing by reaching out and sharing. Recognising a problem and seeking to sort it is a sign of strength.

Hope things are looking brighter and you’re finding a way to get through these tough days and somehow that you’ll come across your answer. How are you doing?

Brenda


#13

I hear you buddy.

If you have not thought of suicide with this dreadful disease, then I would argue that you never had the disease in the first place!

You can’t explain to people what it is like to feel like shit for every hour, every second of the day until you take a sleeping pill to knock your ass out for the night…only to wake up and start the fun all over again :evil:

I echo what others have said though…you will go through ebbs and flows. I am not here to tell you you will be 100%. But trust me when I tell you that you will not feel like you are right now forever. Trust me on that.

Your body is constantly figuring this shit out and will right the ship at some point. Hang in there my friend…We are all in it together.

PM if you ever need to chat

Todd


#14

i felt suicidal same time last year until i went away on a massive holiday to stay with relatives and got on a high dose AD. An AD might help along with therapy. remember this illness is not life threatening and is very well manageable once u know your triggers and find the right combo of meds


#15

Agree totally with Go Gonzaga on the bit about if you don’t have thoughts of suicide you never had the illness in first place. Am also totally with you mikael this illness takes away your life, your being, just about everything and at times you can’t see a way forward. Nabeel says its not life threatening but I disagree, although it won’t actually kill us, it threatens our way of life - and in some cases leaves us with no life. Please try and stay strong and try and focus on anything in a day that makes you smile - sometimes there will be nothing but other times just something that will take you away from how you are feeling, if only for a brief moment. Surround yourself with people who lift you, even if it can only be for a short time. I so hope you can get on some medication soon that will help in some way, yes often takes time to get the right medication but try and have a little hope in the medical profession in that at some point they can get something right for you.

Thinking of you.
Angela


#16

Hi :slight_smile: I haven’t really got much to add to what everybody else has said, some good advice. Please know that you will get through this, I got hit with this in January and I was in a right state. I felt so anxious and worried that I wouldn’t be able to cope. I have, I also feel a million times better than I did. I think it’s a matter of finding the right medication/combination of meds. I also take Sertraline, an antidepressant which helps. I echo what somebody else wrote, visit your GP and discuss how you are feeling. You may benefit from some CBT.

We are all here to chat to, stay strong. Things will improve for you, I’m proof that this stupid illness can get better

Hugs x x x x


#17

I also have felt it is all too much. This health issue and coupled with other issues in your life can be just too much. You just have to push through and know that things will be better sooner or later. Stay strong and talk to your friends and people here.

Suzanne


#18

Mikael,

I have nothing but empathy for you. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult time. When you’re in the thick of VM hell, it’s very hard to see that things will change. But things can, and do, get better. Hang in there.

During one of my darkest times, my Spanish-speaking mother said to me: “No hay mal que dure cien años” which translates roughly to “There is no pain that lasts 100 years” and is similar to “This too shall pass”. I hope that these words might lend a bit of comfort to you, and give you some hope. Also, taking a look at the “Success Stories” section of this forum might be helpful during times like these.

Hoping things get better for you very soon,

Bren


#19

I absolutely understand. I am so grateful I have found this forum. It gives me hope. I pray this too shall pass and we will all be granted a reprieve in whatever way possible.


#20

i had suicidal thoughts same time last year. suffered with chronic anxiety and depression for one year. with the support from family members and this forum and prayers and numerous doctor visits i found cymbalta and topamax that have helped heaps. plz do not lose hope.keep asking questions and u willl get out of this mess. i assure u. keep re reading the success stories to keep u going if u have too. remember most that get full symptom control never bother to post again and u will find plenty if u search back on this forum. good luck. we r all here for support