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Depressed on being on an anti depressant!

Ok guys, I Need some of you guys to talk some sense into me. My family is being very supportive towards me which has lead to me improving from when I first got his with MAV. But they still believe more of my symptoms are due to anxiety and less from MAV which sucks.

Basically I have been on the cymbalta since May-June of this year. I bumped up to 90mg of cymbalta early August and this had me hovering between 70% and 75%. However in the last couple of days my dizziness are back to what it was on 60mg of cymbalta during June and July. I would blame that on less sleep as my new born baby is giving us a tough time at night. So what I am saying is that before getting on the cymbalta I used to wake up every day with a very heavy head, completely disoriented and it would remain this way throughout the whole day until I slept and of course the anxiety was off the charts. Then I went on the cymbalta 30mg for a week and then bumped up to 60mg and remained on this dose between June and July. Noticed that my head pressure/heavy head sensation reduced but the rocking on a boat feeling remained the same. Anxiety had also improved. Then I bumped up to 90mg of Cymbalta during August and Sept and felt great i.e. anxiety almost completely gone and heavy head sensation almost gone and mild rocking on boat sensation remained not counting this week which has been bad due to lack of sleep.

I am however internally very depressed with the thought that I actually have to be on “medicine” to keep my anxiety under control. The feeling of anxiety is real and is probably due to my brain misfiring neurons or whatever theory out there exists, but it still makes me sad that me being a 31 year old bloke has to be on a “MEDICINE” to make myself “normal” and not be afraid to deal with the world (anxiety). All doctors that I have spoken to tell me that anti depressants are safe and temporary and r used until u start to feel better again which could take maybe 6 months, 1 year, maybe 2 or 3 and then you can wean off them. The fact that there are medicines out there that help both the anxiety and dizzies is great. But my problem is that I can’t help thinking that i have to be on a medicine for the rest of my life to survive and these medicines r altering chemicals in my brain. The FDA for all anti depressants say they “believe” these anti depressants work on serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine etc. Note, they use the word “believe” meaning they are not guaranteeing it. Who know these drugs can be leading to our early deaths etc? I may be thinking too far down the line now because apart from the cymbalta, most other anti depressants have been tried and tested for ages with no negatives impacts except for the side effects when u wean off them. But these drugs r all altering our brain chemistry which scares the shit outta me.

I know what your saying its scary but I try not to think about it my Dads been on anti-Ds for years he can never come off them he is bipolar and he is fine.
All Im saying is people take things everyday I would rather take the risk and not be dizzy and live my life if Im on meds forever then so be it and hope for the best. I do understand what your saying though x

HI
I’m in your same boat. I was much much worse BEFORE getting on meds with FEAR and ANXIETY off the charts of getting on, and Lord help me, ever getting off. But I was so very bad that I became desperate for help. I finally just said, screw it, and started taking the meds. Now that I"m on them, and have been experiencing the weight gain, the increased cholesterol, and elevated sugars in my blood, which are all from these meds, I really get bummed. Not only that, but I get depressed at times and cry inconsolably…sometimes for hours. And I wonder how bad I would be NOT on antidepressants?
I feel your pain buddy…I wish things were different for all of us. But we gotta make the most of every day because we don’t know how long we have. Worrying about living to 80 instead of 85 isn’t really worth feeling shitty for the next 40 years.
Hugs,
Kelley

Well put Kelley. :smiley:

It will come as no surprise to my mvertigo friends that I think meds are TOPS! What an amazing era we live in that by popping a few handfuls of lovely pills we can feel WELL! Sure they all have side effects (and contrary to popular myth I am not immune) but NOTHING compares to the hell of chronic f*cking awful migraine that makes every waking moment a living death. A hundred years ago you would be limping through life with this shit with no help at all let alone any understanding of what was wrong with you.

Think of it this way - your brain is like a car that is not running properly. Through investigation and trial and error we find what we need to put in there (brake fluid, petrol, oil etc) to make it run. Your meds are that petrol. Drive on solider!

Thanks guys, but still taking meds to survive for the rest of my life scares the shit out of me

Two-three thoughts, Nabeel.

First, I too hate having to be on various drugs for the rest, etc. When I was a college freshman, I used to sip a drink, one shot of sweetened Calvados, before going down to join the others in my house for dinner. When I realized that I felt dependent on it to take the edge off my social anxiety, I immediately stopped. And now I’m on 75 mg of nortriptyline, etc., etc. And I don’t feel at liberty to fuck with it, in part because others depend on me.

Second, there’s good research indicating that for mood disorders, experimentally validated psychotherapy (cognitive-behavioral sort of thing) can be as effective over the long term as medication, so it’s possible that you could get to the point of not needing anxiolytic drugs.

Third, saying that a professional psychologist trained in cognitive-behavioral-emotional work might be able to help does not mean that it’s all in your mind and if you were a real [fill in the blank] you would pick yourself up by your bootstraps, ditch the drugs, and laugh off your worries.

I know what you all mean. My family is so happy that I am back to the way I was before MAV hit me. Not 100% but doing a lot better. So the drugs are effective and it feels so good to be available to my family again. But it sucks that I need to be on a medicine for it and God knows how long I will I have to take it. I no it’s really no point thinking about the future so much. Anyway thanks for the insight guys.

Nabeel -

Diabetics who take insulin - which alters their body chemistry - usually take it for their whole lives; and people with thyroid disorders take thyroid hormone - which alters their body chemistry - for their whole lives…altering body chemistry doesn’t necessarily mean we are shortening our lives or that we should be afraid that the “chemicals” we take are doing us long term harm.

There may be no long term harm at all, and in fact the opposite may be true: by reducing the effect of the repeated stress of migraine events on our brains (and our whole body systems, for that matter), these chemicals we’re taking might be prolonging our lives. Each migraine event is like a jolt that, if it gets muted, or better still, avoided, is probably a very good thing for our bodies and brains.

So there’s a “glass half full” way to view taking these medicines!

Nabeel, you r probably not aware the the vast majority of the population is on some kind of medication and some are on multiple drugs which r necessary to keep them alive! Just b very very happy that the drugs have helped you. I am sooooo grateful to have my life back thanks to meds. There r people who have mav who would do anything to find a drug that helps them.

Thanks guys
Some very good answers there
Just need to keep reminding myself about them

I’ve been dealing with the same issues. I really do NOT want to be dependent on drugs. I am a borderline case so I think I actually have a choice. I am able to work from home and maintain a relatively sedate routine lifestyle. So most of the time, I can function well with little or no medication. Of course, I was sick all day Thursday after going to the dentist and got pretty bad the last time I had to go into work for meetings. I actually like going to this office, enjoy the people and felt little anxiety about going… yet I came home and collapsed.

I’m getting off track and talking about ME but I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel.

Still, I think we are all lucky that medication is available. My poor grandmother had horrible tinnitus and headaches. She was given some psychological treatments out of the dark ages and eventually a frontal lobotomy. She likely had less anxiety but still talked to the voices in her head. We can all be very happy that medicine has made some big advances!

Deb